Parental Enthusiasm

Phone: RRRRRIIIIING!
Me: Hello, what, help, Christ, is it the Apocalypse, it's snowing, where's the fire, crap, it's eight in the morning, I was out last night, what what what? Um?
Dad: Hi!
Me: God, you're perky.
Dad: Is there anything in the paper?
Me: What? What paper?
Dad: Duh. Any paper! You've got a book out!
Me: I know this.
Dad: Is there anything new?
Me: I honestly do not know. I will ask the interwebs.
Dad: How long does that take?
Me: Are you high?
Dad: You should come to lunch.
Me: Is it lunchtime?
Dad: You sound fuzzy, is there something wrong with the phone?
Me: that would be my voice.
Dad: Your mother wants to say hello.
Me: HI, Mum.
Mum: He wanted to call an hour ago.
Me: That would have been interesting.
Mum: Is there anything in the papers?
Me: I honestly have no idea.
Mum: Oh, right.
Me: Do you have any papers?
Mum: A couple.
Me: Is there anything in them?
Mum: No.
Me: then it may be there is nothing in the papers.
Mum: But we don't have all of them.
Me: Tell you what, you guys could go and buy them and read them and find out and call me later when you know.
Mum: Your father wants to know if you've decided about lunch.
Me: Hang on, I'm just going to go and inject methamphetamine directly into my brain.
Mum: Okay, I'll wait.

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Harkaway